a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
