i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
