escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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