Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
