I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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