Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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