Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
