Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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