I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
