I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
