He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My penis needs a shock collar
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
