I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
my shit smells like andre
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
