I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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