i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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