I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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