I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
