What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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