The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
