I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Can I color on your dick again?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
