4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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