Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She's the barista slut.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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