You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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