and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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