That's intense
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
