this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
