My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I forgot wine drunk hurts
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
