My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
