If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
