I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
