i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
