When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
