my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
