I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
