dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
