At least make sure they are 18
Why
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
