Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
