4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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