Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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