Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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