Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
