Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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