he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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