Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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