i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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