just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
