glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
