it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
