I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
