That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
