I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
