Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
