I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
BRING THE BAGELS
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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