I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
my poor anus
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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