The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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