Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
